sweat on a white mattress

I’m sorry I’m the way I am… is all I’ve left to say,
and never will I smile again as I did once in may.
The kiss, the bliss, the eyes I miss -though I have made them tear;
Never again will I be there, in your heart to hold dear.
At least I see things clearly now,
and know what to avoid;
I’ll grow and learn and persevere
yet in my arms - a void
remains, its shaped like you
and always will I feel
a passion burning,
scorching me, for I still find you real.
Tonight, (like every other night)
I ruined worlds with speech,
and just above my standard
you’re floating far from reach.
If our paths cross,
and gazes meet, then maybe even hands
I will know then that all is well and trust our own amends.
Though hollow inside, they so seem,
I claim them to be true!
My words that I once uttered loud;
I could one day love you.