he never once cried to mother
until that day
from the stone floor
from where she would not hear him

“please fix me i need a fix
pluck the hair off my forehead

i miss the lighters flicking in the distance
and i was never selfish
just in a world of my own

oh and mary
i miss mary”

i met a man while train hopping
would you sell me your laugh
he asked
in exchange
i will write your life story
as one that people will want to read

he winked to beckon me closer
you know,
there’s no desire in omnipotence
a man could go mad
among all the easy questions he said
until then we’ll demand easy answers
to tide over the sadness

so what’s a smile
when the lights have gone out

to god and those it may concern

as i float about
within your ever vast essence
i feel caressed by time
kissed by light
smothered by thought
and disconnected from you

in truth i only seem like a bad person
sometimes convincing myself of it as well

and while i compare
my actions to my thoughts
my thoughts to my desires
and my desires to our reality
my desire will drive me to act
wilting my body
leaving it for you to rightly judge
my altered reality long behind me
how i miss it

a promise that i can not afford to break
i will not lose you
i will not lose me